Thursday, March 12, 2009

I want.

I want. Somewhere in the space between my ordinary Christian self and my longing to change I find that I am yearning for something more; something real and tangible. I want something that surpasses the demands of the Christianity I was spoon-fed as a child and that carries me to the feet of my Creator. An ambition such as this is certainly considered a noble dream; but I want more than a dream or another aspiration that one merely talks about but never gets around to acting on. This thing I so desperately desire is revolutionary.

It is revolutionary in the fact that it beckons us to change. Despite our carnal nature to please ourselves, this revolutionary life is lived to please Another. As we begin the revolutionary journey we can hear the cadence of His calling inviting us to be His beloved, and a romance with Him awakens us to a life of compassion. Oh if we would only learn to love the unlovable through the Creator’s eyes surely that would start a revolution. And in that kind of revolutionary life of compassion might we humble ourselves to find authenticity; an authenticity that leads us to genuinely know God and be known by Him.

So if I must change to get this thing that I so earnestly want, why is it that so often I find myself battling, flanked by my desires and my actions? I become enthralled by my passion for something more yet my lack of action pushes me into a corner. I have become obsessed in the wanting yet in my pursuit I am left feeling dissatisfied. Paul wrote in Romans chapter seven “what I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another...” This dual life that Paul describes captures a reality that echoes in so many of us; the struggle toward our highest potential and the slipping into just doing. This struggle allows us to walk and obey God by faith; or it pushes us to walk in a way in which we hate, that doesn’t please God and makes a mockery out of potential.

So in this place between my desire for a revolution and my struggle against my actions I will press on. I will trust that my craving for more was not created simply for the purpose of feeling hunger pangs, but that I was destined to feel this way so that I may know the joy of being filled with what is good. And I will find hope in the fact that the Spirit of God is arousing us from within, and that these hunger pangs that we feel are but a foretaste of the glorious plan God has in store.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, that was really honest and I totally relate.
    You're good at writing!